Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
