The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
