Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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