ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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