Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
