hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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