and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
