Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
