Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
