Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
