Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
