um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
