I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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