You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
