Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
