I need to stop coming to work sober
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
