rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize