I wannas sexs uuuuu
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize