literally had 100 drinks last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
