i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
