i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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