The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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