I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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