i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
