I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
