The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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