yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We're too hungover to prance.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
