Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
