Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
