He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
