She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
