Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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