i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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