One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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