i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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