I cockslap morals
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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