We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
