but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
