so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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