We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
