his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
