she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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