How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
