They should really pass out barf bags in church
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I stole a fireplace last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
