it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
