i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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