JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
