i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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