he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
