i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize