is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
