I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
