The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
