Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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