as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
