He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
pop tarts are not kleenex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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