don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
