I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
