They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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