I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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