The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
