im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
