So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
