ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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