okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
