Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
