Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
