Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
