I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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