i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
vagina is talking i cant
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize