talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
